Chiner

....and I think I forgot to mention

I have been praying about going to China next year. Let me tell you about it.

When I was a kid my parents supported a lot of missionaries and we would often have them over to our house and would hear about their stories. I loved hearing about the strange adventures but also heard about a lot of heartache. I decided at a young age that while missions was great, it was not for me and that I wanted to be a rich doctor and travel the world and see it for myself. I could sent money to missionaries, right?

Then in highschool, I went on a few mission trips and got involved in OCC (Operation Christmas Child) and became the Relay Center Coordinator. I got to travel to Costa Rica and deliver shoe boxes to these kids and tell them about Jesus! Even thought that trip was over four years ago, I remember it like yesterday because I had never felt so fulfilled, satisfied, and delighted in the Lord. Even though I already had the travel bug put in me, I now how the desire and passion to do missions.

I started thinking about where I wanted to do missions and decided that I really like South America and Africa especially, and after going to Northern Ireland and England and Scotland, decided that Europe wasn't too bad either :) I started telling the Lord that I was willing to go anywhere BUT CHINA.

My brother and his wife decided to go to China for a year of missions. That's nice, I thought. Now they will smell funny and act wierd too. When they came back, I enjoyed hearing about their adventures, but my heart was hard towards the Chinese people.

When I came to Wheaton in the Fall, I took a World Music class. We studied lots people and cultures and how music has influenced or affected them. It was quite fascinating. I remember sitting in class and our teacher telling about traveling to Western China and studying the Wieger people. I was on the edge of my seat. "Try to look like you are disinterested," I remember telling myself. Why was I all of a sudden interested in hearing about the Chinese people after not caring for so long?

I started attending College Church in Wheaton and heard about a group going on a year long trip to China. My heart was softened when I heard about what they were doing and heard stories of people who had gone. My roomate told me that she was thinking about applying so I started praying for the team and for her. Someone asked me if I was going and I laughed it off, but walked away sobered at the thought of going. I started thining about it, but couldn't really bring myself to pray about me going. I felt so inadequate and unprepared. How could the Lord use someone like me to bring the gospel to people far away? Why go now when I'm in school? Wouldn't that be hampering my education and just plain bad timing?

My roomate eventually confronted me about it and asked if I had prayed about ME going. Deep down I wanted to go, but felt so unsure. She and other friends affirmed me and encouraged me that God can do anything by his power through those that love and serve the Lord.

So here I am, sitting down to work on my application for China.
Here I am Lord, send me. I feel like a helpless lover who is so overcome by Christ's blood and beauty that I feel like a crazy person. This makes no sense and I love it.